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“What a looker! A woman who looks like that needs some protection, if you know what I mean. She's so tiny and sweet, just like spun sugar.”
— Cowboy, from Dr. Eve, Zombie Killer

Oh great. Another big dumb know-it-all chauvanistic, gun-totin', self-proclaimed expert-shootin' cowboy. If I stay, he's probably just going to bug me about how great he is. Is it worth it? Do I really want to practice that bad?— Dr. Eve
“You just asked me for an explanation. I didn’t ask you to believe it.”
— Dr. Eve

“Wishing it were so won’t make what isn’t so.”
— Rothgar Hvorak

“If you’re a thug, and you attack someone on the street in Oklahoma, you’re likely to be shot. If you’re a thug, and you attack a red-neck on the street in Oklahoma you’ll be shot, then shot some more after the re-load.”
— Dr. Richard Hanes
“Rednecks. They don’t just shoot to kill. They shoot to empty the gun.”
— Dr. Richard Hanes, from Dr. Eve, Zombie Killer

“Why’d you shoot him fourteen times, Earl?” Taggert asked “Dat’s all duh bullets I’z had.”
— Taggert and Earl

“I don't rent guns. I own them.”
— Dr. Eve
He couldn't read her. Hell, he couldn't read any woman. Not accurately, anyway. He'd given up trying a long time ago.
— Derek, from Dr. Eve, Zombie Killer

“A girl's got to do something for entertainment,” Dr. Eve answered.
“Playing with guns. Very nice. I approve,” Derek nodded.
— Derek & Dr. Eve

“Honesty. It's the best policy. Don't leave home without it.” — Derek
"Oh, I can tell you one thing, buddy, if you hadn't been at the birth of OUR first child, there wouldn't have been a second one!"
— Maria, from My Sister's Husband

"You must always keep tabs on your man, even when he's at home."
— Susanne

A man that won't look you in the eye; that raises a red flag in my book. Personally and professionally."
— Maria
"Men are accessories, not necessities."
— Alicia, from My Sister's Husband

“Let’s face it. She got the brains and the looks; all I got was big boobs and a sunny disposition, which soured with age and experience.”
— Maria

"Where was my vain, perfectly shallow, corporate-ladder-climbing big sister?"
— Maria
“Oh, you again. You love my meat. You always come again.”
— Salvo, from Dr. Eve, Zombie Killer

“I don't rent guns. I own them.”
— Dr. Eve

“Political zombies, you know, people who do what they’re told because money or the promise of influence has corrupted them.”
— Derek, from Dr. Eve, Zombie Killer
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